Holding onto my college years, 4, dies
Holding onto my college years, 4, died Sunday in an OCD-induced fit. The fit started in the closet and worked its way though the locations of all other personal items. The exact cause of the fit may be attributed to a combination of earlier shopping at Ted Baker, and the “physical affects” of “growing up”. The college years began in 1999 at Oregon State University. It was in that first year, much slimmer, that many of the Victoria’s Secret cotton bikinis, Abercrombie hoodies and screened t’s (“Portrait of a Lady” being the favorite) were acquired. Beginning in the winter of 2000, Greek letters (Alpha Kappa Psi, in leopard print) was proudly worn, much too frequently. The camoflage cargos, purchased for Shasta Weekend, were also part of the ill-fitting, inappropriate, out-dated items lost in the slaughter on Sunday. Since graduation in 2004, the nostalgia of the glittery GAP nail polish has commingled with the Chanel Blanc Ceramic. The Clinique and Mac cosmetics have been neglected since the new relationship with Bobbi Brown. Present at the scene, and later asked to leave, was one Tommy Hilfiger and his Tommy Girl. Holding onto my college years is survived by Armani, J. Crew, and friends from the Republic of Banana. It is also survived by real pearls, editions of the Harvard Business review, Good Magazine, nylons, and multiple tax filings.
